So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
