It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
