so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
