Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
