I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
