If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
