My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
