just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
dude. I can hear the air.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
