That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
