That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
