The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
