and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's the barista slut.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm at about main and main street
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
