Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
