I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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