I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
