You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
