did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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