I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
