I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
