I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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