You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
