I didn't shave. On purpose
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
His nipple licking is glorious
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