he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
