is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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