Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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