I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
