found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
