I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
