My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
