I puked a lego.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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