just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
