just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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