oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
