i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
