i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
