Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
