8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
