I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
