I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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