I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
