I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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