Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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