Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
