I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
