so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
