Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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