i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
