I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
