He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
