I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
