All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
being pregnant is like rehab
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
