My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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