We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
