You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
