i was born a porn star she said
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
