Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
